In Order to Break Me
by purplefirestarter
Summary: She has longed for him to return...She has waited for him for so long that she has almost given up hope...But when a shadow appears at Bella's window, will her prayers be answered? Set during New Moon.


This is the first Twilight fanfic that I've ever posted. It's set in the middle of _New Moon _before Bella jumps off the cliff but after she finds out that Jacob is a werewolf. (Of course, Edward makes a star appearance!) It's a little long, but Bella is a stubborn girl, as we all know. plz R&R!

I would also like to dedicate this story to my lovely friend Katelyn, who gave me the inspiration to write this.

Of course I don't own the beautiful series of _Twilight_. That belongs to Stephenie Meyer in all her glory.

* * *

It was late by the time I decided to turn in for the night. I hadn't been sleeping well for the past few weeks after I found out Jake was a werewolf. Needless to say, the purple bags under my eyes that had disappeared for a short while had returned with a vengeance and Charlie had ordered me to get more sleep. Not that I had much room for arguing anymore. 

I pulled my old quilt over my head and tried to shut my eyes, but sleep would not come at this point. My mind was racing with dozens of different thoughts, most of which involving Jake and his pack finding Victoria. I couldn't imagine any of them getting hurt facing the flame haired vampire. I had seen her in the field and — I wrapped my arms around my torso as the mere recollection of that night tore at the throbbing hole—had seen the menace in her face, though I had been more worried about James and Edward facing off. Her ruby red eyes had scanned the area like a lioness and her stance had been enough for me to want to keep my distance.

I rolled over onto my side to try and regain my breath again but it wasn't doing much good. With Jacob always out tracking, I didn't have anyone to keep my lungs intact. I was forced to lay and endure the pain that was ripping my body apart. It made me miss my safe harbor even more than usual, if that were possible.

Eventually however, after tossing and turning for what seemed like hours on end, I drifted into a deep and — thank goodness — dreamless sleep.

What woke me wasn't the light pouring through my curtains or the sound of my alarm clock going off — it sounded like something tapping on my window.

I sat up slowly and wiped the sleep out of my eyes. I turned to look at my clock, the green numbers shining brightly and telling me that I had only been sleeping for three hours. I heard the tapping again and figured that it must be Jacob…and then worry filled me. Had they found Victoria? Was he coming to take me away to hide me?

Instantly I got up, making my head spin and went to my window to pull my curtains aside. The face I saw staring back at me wasn't the one I had been expecting. In fact, the magnificently beautiful angel's face looking into my eyes was one that I had never expected to see again. I bit back a scream of surprise; afraid I would wake Charlie.

"Bella?" I could barely make out the sound of his light, musical voice through the glass of the window. But I heard it and unlike my hallucinations, it tore at my hole and I gasped for breath.

His eyes became anxious when I wrapped my arms around myself and he called my name out again. I was seeing things, wasn't I? I just…I had let my hallucinations get out of hand and here he was, in the flesh — or so I wanted to believe — staring at me uneasily, the night sky gleaming behind his bronze colored hair, making him look more like a god than a man.

Something inside me though, when he called my name out for a third time made me reach for my window and slowly pull it open. Perhaps it was the desperate tone to his voice or the ancient sadness in his eyes, I didn't know. But before I knew it, he had landed silent as a shadow on my wooden floor and was staring right back at me.

"Bella," he whispered, not taking his dark amber eyes off me. He didn't reach for me at first; he merely took in my horrid appearance. I knew I looked like hell, my hair was much longer than it was six months ago and I had certainly lost a lot of weight. The bags under my eyes were more noticeable — and they were probably bloodshot. Not only that, but I could feel my knees shaking uncontrollably as though I might collapse at any moment.

"E-Edward?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper of a noise. Though he heard it anyway. He smiled sadly.

I choked, my hand on my chest as I struggled to breathe in and out. His pale face grew even more anxious as he watched me fight to take a breath. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know why he was here, if he really was or what he wanted. So I just concentrated on breathing, which wasn't working out very well.

"Bella, are you all right?" Edward finally asked me.

"Why…why are you here?" I managed to choke out.

He took a step back. "Should I leave?"

"But I don't understand…"

"Oh Bella," he murmured. "I owe you such an apology. I know I promised I would never bother you again…but I needed to see you."

"See…_me_? Why?" I breathed.

Finally, he reached for me, taking both my hands in his icy ones and holding them tightly between us. My hands were shaky and weak and I'm positive he could feel this.

"I can't do this anymore," he admitted desperately. "I can't stand living this way, with this emptiness…Bella…will you take me back?"

I could feel a blush threatening to take over my face as I stared into his serious midnight eyes. My body froze and I seemed to forget how to talk. He seemed to take all of this in.

"I know what I told you in the forest all those months ago, but trust me, it was nothing but a mere lie. I never stopped loving you Bella and it's been _killing_ me not to have you by my side."

"But…" I began. "Everything you said to me. You told me that I wasn't good for you, that you didn't want me to go with you."

"I know." He nodded his head earnestly, his voice rushed. "I know that I said you weren't good for me but God was I wrong, Bella! I haven't stopped thinking of you since I left! It's been driving me mad not seeing you! You don't know how it's tortured me."

I opened my mouth to speak again but shut it when I realized that I couldn't think of anything to say. I was rendered completely speechless. Edward got down on one knee, his eyes frantic and distressful.

"I understand what me coming here must be doing to you but you _must_ understand that I only came back because I love you. I'm so sorry that I hurt you and that I'm doing so right now. The last thing I ever want is to cause you pain. If you would like me to leave, I will do so now."

He made to release my hands but with strength that shocked us both I held onto his, my resolve slowly breaking.

"Bella?" he asked, not moving from where he knelt before me.

"Don't," I managed to whisper. "Don't leave."

He sighed thickly but he strained a small smile, closing his eyes. "I didn't know what I was getting myself into when I left last September. I thought that I was leaving you here, safe. Oh how wrong I was Bella! You smell absolutely horrible! You smell almost like a dog…But that can't be, can it?" His eyes were dark and threatening, but somehow still smoldering. I blurted out the truth unthinkingly (AN: is that a word?).

"Yes," I confessed. "My best friend, Jacob Black…he's a werewolf."

He laughed darkly. "Can't seem to keep yourself away from monsters, huh?"

"He and his pack are hunting Victoria."

"Victoria?" he repeated flatly. There was no emotion in his voice but I knew him better than not to hear the hostility behind it.

"Yes," I said, my voice still shaking. "She…she wants me. They've been trying to protect me from her."

"Why?" he asked. "Why does she want you?"

"You killed James and…she thought it would be better if she killed me instead of you. Mate for mate…"

I heard him swear under his breath and look out of my open window, the wind blowing the curtains around. He didn't release my hands or move from where he knelt, but I could tell that his thoughts were somewhere else, more than likely he was returning to the night that we had met James, Victoria, and Laurent in the field.

"I'm so, so sorry Bella," he finally said looking up at me again. His sad, beautiful face left me breathless. "If I had known…I _swear_ I never would've left. I would never willingly put you in such danger! This, all of this you're telling me, about Jacob Black, Victoria, it's making me so sick. It makes me hate myself for even considering leaving you…"

"Stop," I ordered gently. "Don't feel guilty, you didn't know. You…you wanted to leave."

His eyes grew slightly angry. "Haven't you been listening to me, Bella? Did I not just say that I didn't want to leave you? That I did it for your own safety? I told you that that night in the forest, I lied about not wanting you. I don't think it's _possible _for me to stop wanting you." He laughed humorlessly. "Ridiculous to think that I didn't love you anymore. Like I could just _stop_ overnight!"

"You didn't?" I said softly.

"No, Bella," he said, his voice strained but gentle. "I didn't." He released one of my hands and reached up to touch my face. His cold but soothing touch made me almost topple to the ground. Then he let go of my face and wrapped both his hands around the one hand he still held onto. He brought his lips down and gently kissed the back of it. I shut my eyes and tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

"What's wrong?" he asked when he saw the wetness in my eyes.

"It just doesn't make _sense_. It doesn't make sense for you to love me."

Edward sighed through his nostrils and looked down again. He could see that I wasn't convinced yet.

"For nearly a hundred years I've walked among my kind and yours and never found what I was looking for." He lifted his agonized eyes to mine. "If I haven't fallen in love with anyone but you in all of this time, what makes you think I'd just get over it? Besides, the more you love someone, the less everything else makes sense."

I remembered thinking about that one day; the night I found out Jake was a werewolf. I had compared what Jacob was doing to what Edward had done in his quest to be a good vampire. I had realized that even if Edward had been a bad vampire like Laurent or Victoria, I would've still fallen in love with him. And it was true, after I first fell for Edward, the line between truth and myths was blurred as I learned more about his life and his family's.

"Oh how I've missed you, Bella," Edward murmured more to himself as he traced patterns on my hand, gently outlining the bluish veins and smoothing over the scar where James had bit me more than a year ago.

Something in the tender way he had spoken those previous words broke me. One moment I was standing before him, confused but slightly composed and the next, I was swaying back and forth, sobbing miserably.

"No," Edward soothed as he stroked my hand. "Don't cry, love."

"Oh Edward!" I howled. I fell to my knees so I was level with him, my body shaking with my tears. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face to his stone chest. He responded by pulling me tighter against him so that the hole in my torso felt completely whole once more. I could feel him slowly rocking me back and forth, trying to soothe me as I cried. I felt his cheek press against the top of my head and his hand came up to stroke my hair.

"By the way," he whispered as my tears slowed down a little. "I don't plan on leaving you ever again."

I stopped crying but didn't say anything in reply. He seemed to realize why I wasn't saying anything and he brought his lips to my ear.

"I can't leave you, Bella. Don't you see? I barely survived our first separation, and I know there's no way I'm strong enough to leave again. Not that I really want to," he added casually.

"There is something else I want to ask you, Bella." I listened as he spoke. "I just want to know…I want to know how you feel about me. I need to know if after all the pain and sorrow I put you through, if you can still love me."

I made a noise somewhere between a snort and a whimper and rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Edward," I mumbled. "You don't need to worry about that at all. Of course I love you — and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"Thank you," he whispered, twirling a piece of my hair around his finger. The casual touch made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Werewolves," he suddenly said to me. "Leave it to you, Isabella Marie Swan to hang around the first monsters you find."

"I think it's trying to tell me something, huh?" I half-laughed. "I was never really a people person to begin with."

He laughed and pulled me away a little by my shoulders so he could look into my eyes. "Tell me," he began, humor behind his dark eyes. "Is there a reason why danger can't resist you anymore than I can?"

I snorted. "Danger doesn't try."

"Yes," he said, smiling crookedly. "_That's_ a good reason. But seriously, Bella, _werewolves_? Anything would've been better than werewolves!"

"How about Laurent?" I suggested.

"Laurent?" he repeated expressionlessly.

"Well, I kind of went back to the meadow…alone." I could already see the disapproval coloring his features but I went on. "And I saw Laurent there." Edward merely raised his eyebrows skeptically. "And it made me sort of happy to see him. It made me sure that no matter where you were, you still existed in the same world I did.

"Laurent was there on Victoria's orders, to scope out the area. And…if it wasn't for Jacob's pack, I would've been his afternoon snack." Edward flinched. "They came out of nowhere and chased him back out of the meadow. I ran for it after that. But…but can werewolves _really_ outrun vampires?"

"They caught Laurent I suppose?"

I nodded and he sighed.

"That's what they're made for, to keep us under control. And yes, one solitary vampire is not enough to outrun a pack of werewolves."

"Can they…can they outrun _you_?" I asked shakily.

"Thankfully, Bella, you don't need to worry about that. I won't let anything happen to myself and I want you to make sure you'll do the same for yourself."

"Of course I will," I agreed. "Now that I have a real reason to. Besides Charlie and Renée, obviously."

I yawned and he examined my face carefully, as though finally seeing it since he arrived. "You look awful, Bella. You need to sleep."

"Not anything I can't handle." I shrugged.

"You should sleep now," he repeated.

"I _should_, but I don't want to close my eyes."

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I told you that I'm not nearly as strong as you think I am. I couldn't last seven months without you! I've wanted to come back to you since the very day I left."

Without thinking of what I was doing, I reached out to his angel's face. I had been longing to touch his face since he jumped through my window. My fingertips traced every line in his smooth face and when I got to his lips, I saw my hand shaking.

Edward took my hand and kissed my palm, never taking his eyes off me. He lowered our hands and leaned forward towards me so I could count every beautiful eyelash on his eyelids. He leaned even closer so I could see the ocher etched deep in his black eyes before his lips touched mine lightly.

As if I wasn't already broken enough, my will shattered the moment our lips touched. I couldn't help but feel the fire that our relationship had when I was sure that he loved me as much as I loved him.

His free hand knotted in my hair, bringing our faces closer together and my free hand was still wrapped around his neck, clutching the collar of his shirt. Despite the fact that we were both crossing the lines he had made for the sake of keeping my heart beating, neither of us seemed to be in a hurry to stop.

When he did finally pull away, he rested his forehead against mine and waited as we both tried to catch our breaths.

"Now I think you should get some sleep," he whispered softly. It was hard for me to hear his voice over the wind blowing into my room.

Not wanting to speak, I merely nodded in response. Edward then proceeded to pick me up and set me down on my bed, crawling into it just seconds after I was settled. He pulled the quilt over us as I scooted closer to him, my face pressed to his perfect ice sculptured chest. I felt him drape an arm over my waist and gently rub my back.

"Are you this isn't a dream?" I asked softly.

He chuckled. "Yes, Bella. I'm really here and I love you. I swear to you that I'm not leaving. You have nothing to fear."

"Good," I mumbled, making him laugh again.

Edward started humming my lullaby again. It made me remember how much I missed him here at night with me. His smooth, velvet voice always seemed to drive away my nightmares.

Just when I was sure sleep had taken over, I felt Edward's chest vibrate in a growl against my forehead. I picked my head up to look at him but he was facing my open window, his lips curled back over his teeth.

"Edward?" I whispered. Was it Victoria? Has she finally come for me? Fear filled every pore in my body as Edward climbed out of my bed toward my window.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked in a slightly louder voice.

"Dammit! Stupid bloodsucker!" I heard a familiar husky voice grumble.

"Jacob?" I sat up, looking from Edward's cold, hard face to my window.

"What do you want, dog?" Edward growled outside. His voice was rough and didn't hide any of his hatred.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jacob hissed. "I thought you were gone!"

"I'm here now," Edward said, his voice slightly more calm.

"Did Bella ask you to come back?" His voice was slightly dejected.

"Jake!" I cried, getting up and running over to my window. He was there; hanging from the same tree that he had hung from the first night I found out he was a werewolf. His eyes darted from Edward's face to mine and his expression softened only a minimal amount.

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Jacob ordered.

"Edward…came back…" I answered.

"_Why_?" he snarled.

Beside me, Edward sighed. "It was much, much harder than I had planned being away from her, Jacob Black. I came back because…because I needed to see her again. I'd only wanted to keep her safe. _You_ should know that too." His tone had gone from being soft to a snarl by the last sentence.

Jacob winced but still kept his face hard. "_I_ would never dream of hurting her."

Edward breathed out sharply through his nostrils.

"Jake…" I began but he glared at me.

"So you're just going to take him back like that, Bella? After all that pain he caused you…you're just going to welcome him back with open arms?"

I bit my lip, not really knowing what to say to him.

"I can't believe you," he said, disappointed.

"Leave her be, Jacob," Edward ordered gently. "I'm sure she's had more than enough to deal with since my…absence."

"Of course she has!" Jacob snapped. "You should've seen her! Anyone would've thought that someone _died_ how broken she was!"

"Stop it!" I cried at him. I didn't want Edward to have to live the same horror I did. I didn't want him to know how badly I had suffered.

"No, Bella, it's all right," Edward assured me but his expression did not match his tone. His face was contorted into an expression of pain — like someone was torturing him. I looked back at Jacob's face and saw him smirking.

"_No_! Whatever you're doing to him, stop it, Jacob!" I shrieked without thinking. But then I cringed. I heard Charlie's snore stutter and then stop.

"Charlie!" Edward hissed. Jacob snorted and gave me one last look before jumping down to the grass, mumbling incoherently. I didn't get to see anymore of him for Edward now grabbed me and pushed me down on my bed while he flew across the room. I quickly wrapped the quilt around me and closed my eyes as Charlie opened my door.

He stood there for what seemed like forever. I could feel his eyes on my supposedly sleeping face. I tried to keep my breathing even and deep but my heart was pounding frantically in my chest.

It reminded me of that first night with Edward how he had heard my father coming in and had left me alone. Then, once he had left Edward had been back with me —under the quilt me. I can still remember how my heart had skipped several beats when that knowledge filled my brain.

Soon after that thought — just like last year — Edward was back with me, his arms around me and his lips at my ear.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered.

"What was Jacob doing to you?" I demanded in a low hiss.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Edward," I said darkly. "Tell me."

He sighed. "He was just…remembering some things, that's all."

I felt instant regret for some reason. "What things?" I asked after a swallow.

He touched my face with one cool hand. "He showed me what you looked like —through Sam Uley's eyes — the night I left. I saw you curled up in a ball in the forest," his voice cracked with pain, "whispering 'He's gone' over and over again."

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. Really. I didn't…"

"It's not like I didn't deserve it. I hurt you…"

"You shouldn't have had to see that," I choked out. "I didn't want anyone to go back to that night. Jacob was wrong to put that on you!"

"Shhh," he hushed me, kissing my forehead. "It's all right. Everything will be all right, Bella. I promise. I won't leave you ever again."

"Did he think anything else?"

Edward was silent for a long moment. I waited. "Yes…about a conversation between you two…about me."

I bit my lip harder, feeling my teeth sink into the skin, threatening to break through.

"You told him something that…that bothers me. You said that you weren't worth it. You said that you weren't anything special, just a weak human. And while it isn't like I don't deserve whatever words you throw at me, how in the world can you think that you aren't worth it to me? How can you say that I left you because I got _bored_? Bella, how could you _think_ such a thing?"

I couldn't see his face in the darkness but I knew enough from his tone that he was angry with me. I didn't say anything in response. I just breathed in and out to keep the tears from leaking out of my eyes. It did no good, they spilled anyway.

"Bored with you," he snorted. "Seriously, Bella! Like there's anyway in the world that you could ever _not be worth it_ to me! I only left you because I thought you could lead a normal life without me putting your life in constant danger! You're the most important, brightest part of my life and I love every thing about you."

"I'm sorry, Edward," I repeated, my voice breaking twice.

He must've known that I was crying — however softly — and kissed over my cheeks, capturing a few escaped tears with his lips. His hands stroked my arms and hair as I pressed my face to his chest and sobbed.

"I know," he soothed me gently. "I know, Bella. I understand how hard it was for you while I was gone. I know that I broke your heart, I'm so terribly sorry…"

"Please don't leave me," I murmured after a long moment of silence. My hands fisted in his shirt as though that would keep him with me.

"No." He kissed my hair. "I won't. I swear I'm here until you order me away."

"Never." I pressed my lips to his shoulder.

He laughed once. "You might change your mind about that one day, Bella. That's was so great about being human, things can change."

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Like _that's_ ever going to happen."

Edward sighed. "So stubborn."

"Talk about stubborn," I mumbled. "Weren't you the one that said that you fought the urge to come back thinking it would hurt me? If that's not stubborn — not to mention uninformed — then I don't know what is. In case you haven't figured it out yet, Edward, I was far from happy these past six months."

I felt bad for putting him on a guilt trip. The silence that followed my reply was uncomfortable — I could hear his sorrow even in the darkness.

"I…I thought that you would be able to move on," he confessed, his tone was unhappy as he continued. "I didn't think that I had made much of an impact on your life besides the constant danger…"

I rolled my eyes. "Ridiculous."

"How so?" he asked calmly.

"Like you…you leaving," I flinched, "like that night didn't do anything to me! Like I just woke up the next morning whistling show tunes! Get real, Edward. You know me better than that — at least I thought you did."

"Bella." He pulled me closer to him. "I've spent nearly a hundred or so odd years observing human relationships. I've seen love and everything that goes with it. I never really saw the kind of depth in those loves that I've seen in Carlisle and Esme, or Rosalie and Emmett. Even Alice and Jasper. I…I'll admit it, Bella, I was arrogant about my feelings for you. I didn't think that my eighteen year old human girlfriend was capable as much love as I was."

I was staring open mouthed at him, my eyes wide with pure shock at his confession. A dozen thoughts passed through my mind until I found that I was angry.

"Edward Cullen!" I hissed. "You honestly thought that I didn't _love you enough_?!"

"Shhh," he hushed me, putting a hand over my mouth. "You'll wake Charlie again."

"How could you think something like that! How could you leave me just because you thought the love I feel for you is just a shadow of what you feel?"

"I didn't leave you for that reason, Bella. And look at it from my point of view, please. I never meant to hurt you, I just thought that way. I can see now that I was completely wrong, believe me. I've been alone for so long and you're my first love. It seems so strong that I couldn't think that you — only alive for eighteen years —could understand how strongly I felt."

"But how…?" My voice trailed off, shaky and appalled. "Edward…I practically _died_ the night you left and I've missed you every day since then. You have no idea what it's done to me, you leaving. I don't _want_ you to know what it's done to me! The things that Jake saw, the things that have been said… they don't matter! I love you more than my own life, Edward. You have to grasp that, how I can't stand it if you leave again. You've become part of me, whether you wanted to or not. That's the way it is and I can't stop myself."

I stopped my ranting to take a deep, quivering breath. My resolution was breaking all over again and I knew it was only seconds before I was crying.

Edward didn't say anything for the next five minutes or so. He just lay beside me, his arms still holding me firmly to his chest. I didn't want to say anything else; regretting what I had already said and what it had probably did to him. I didn't want to hurt him…I never wanted that. But his previous words had stung so badly.

Finally, he took in a breath.

"Bella," he said softly to me. "I was so wrong. I was stupid, foolish to think such things. I was mistaken to think that you didn't love me like I love you. I guess…I guess that's _why_ I love you so much — you're the exception to _every bit_ of human nature I've gathered. I'm so, so, sorry that I told you that. I don't want to hurt you anymore. Please believe that, Bella. Please believe that I'm so sorry for everything. I don't want you to be angry with me…"

My bottom lip trembled. "I do, Edward. I believe you. I know you love me. I'm not angry, I'm not. Just…just a little—"

I started sobbing all over again for what seemed like the twentieth time tonight. The whole sentence I just said came out like mush. I was shocked that he understood it at all to be honest. But he did. He always did.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered to my hair. "I'm sorry."

My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to me so his cold marble body was against every line of mine. I didn't want to lose contact with him.

"It's all right," he said tenderly in my ear. "Don't cry Bella, love. It's all right."

"Edward," I snuffled, "I love you."

He kissed my temple. "I know you do. I know more than anything that you do, Bella. And I love you too."

My tears didn't stop for a long time and Edward didn't seem to care that much. He let my tears soak through his shirt, his arms never once loosening around me. In fact, he seemed perfectly content to have me so close to him that I could've been completely ignoring him and he would've been all right with it.

It seemed that hours passed before I stopped crying. My tears had made my eyelids heavy and all I wanted was to sleep; though I was afraid that I would wake and this would all be a dream. That Edward really hadn't come back for me. But the stone arms that were still around me brought some reality back as I drifted. I knew I wasn't creative enough to dream up this whole evening.

"Sleep, Bella," Edward murmured in my ear. "I'll be right here when you wake tomorrow and every morning every that. I promise," he vowed.

"Sure…" I agreed with a small smile. "'Night."

He chuckled and softly began to hum my lullaby. The sound soothed me even more than it had before and I knew I couldn't fight it. My body surrendered to the soft music of his voice and before I knew it, I was fast asleep in the arms of my sweet angel…the only heaven I would ever want.

* * *

I know, the ending could have been better, but Bella falling asleep with Edward is enough in itself. At least, that's what I think. 

please review!!!!


End file.
